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Post by grumpypirate on Jun 25, 2007 12:23:09 GMT -5
This is a new one I'm writting, I just kinda came up with the idea one night and this is what I wrote. I may continue it, but I'm not sure. Just wanted to know what everyone thought and maybe find some ideas.
The young girl had no clue what she was getting herself into when she followed her dreams. She was 13 when she found out how tough life can be.
Brook Rose Miller lived an ordinary life until the day her parents were killed in a car crash. Suddenly she was shipped off to some aunt she had never met before. When Brook got out of the cab she was in she looked up to find herself at the gates of a mansion. A man came out of the doors to the house and greeted her at the gate with a cheerful hello. He led her inside and up to a grand staircase. As brook was turning this way and that at the amazement of the house her aunt glided down the stairs. I say glided because little did Brook know, this woman, Abigail Angela Brooks, was a woman of class. Abigail was born and bred to be a proper lady, and proper she was indeed. Dinner was held each nigh at 7:00 sharp, all her dresses, for she never wore pants, were cleaned to specific specifications, and even her gardens, for they were magnificent, had not one blade of grass out of place. “Brook my child!” Abigail exclaimed as she pulled the young girl into a hug, “Oh how much like your mother you look. How I miss my dear sister. Now turn around and let me take a good look at you.” As Brook turned around for her aunt to inspect her, Abigail was making mental notes of any details she saw and disagreed with. “You must be tired from your long journey my dear. Let me get Emilia to take you to your room.” A woman, around age 40, took Brook to her room.
When Brook awoke, she came to find it a beautiful morning outside. She wandered around the house until she came to the kitchen. As soon as she stepped foot into the room all action stopped. “Why miss Brook!” Emilia said running up to her, “You’re not suppose to be in here! This is no place for a lady. Why the miss would just have a fit if she saw you!” “I’m so sorry Emilia!” Brook gasped in surprise, “I didn’t know.” “It’s alright miss.” Emilia said guiding the child out of the kitchen, “I’m sure you’re starving. Let me take you to the dining room and then I’ll have Mrs. Amanda, the cook, fix you up something to eat.” As Brook ate, she wondered about this aunt she never met and how she came to be so rich. Brook’s family had never been poor, but they did have tight spots now and again.
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wildroses
New Fan
Chicago Rockstars
Posts: 46
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Post by wildroses on Jun 25, 2007 20:54:29 GMT -5
I lOVE it! Keep it comming!
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Post by jillywilly65 on Jun 25, 2007 22:08:19 GMT -5
And??? Now what?? Don't leave me hanging girl!!!  more please  Jilly |
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Post by grumpypirate on Jun 25, 2007 22:34:48 GMT -5
;D ;D ;D ;D I'm guessing I should write more.  |
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HY
18 and over
Mad Potter & Photoshopper
Posts: 3,636
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Post by HY on Jun 25, 2007 22:54:51 GMT -5
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Cheza
18 and over
Lady of the Silver Rose
"Seeking peace amidst the chaos of life..."
Posts: 9,039
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Post by Cheza on Jun 26, 2007 22:07:01 GMT -5
Great start, GP! *Doing her best Oliver impersonation* Please miss, I want some more.
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bostongirl
Welcoming Committee Member
Hope - the only cure all
Posts: 1,511
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Post by bostongirl on Jun 26, 2007 22:19:26 GMT -5
GP - I just love to  your stories. THey make me ;D and they make me  . I think that is the best compliment that a writer can get and you deserve it. So please do not make me waiting for more installments on this interesting story. Boston |
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Post by grumpypirate on Jun 27, 2007 23:48:19 GMT -5
Ok ok! You guys got me! Here's more I just wrote!!
When she had finished her breakfast, Brook decided to wonder around the garden for a bit. That little bit turned into three hours when an idea for a sketch came into her mind. Brook had always loved drawing, and to be quite frank, she was good at it. When her aunt found her, Brook was just putting the finished touches to her picture. She had used charcoal to draw the landscape that surrounded her. In the background set a beautiful apple orchard. Right in front of that was a road leading to the grand house that Abigail owned. When her aunt saw the picture she snatched it out of her nieces hand. “My dear Brook,” She began, “What on earth are you doing? You’ll get your pretty dress all dirty. Our guests won’t appreciate that now would they?” “I’m sorry Auntie.” Brook told her getting up. “I didn’t realize that there would be guests.” “It’s alright this time dear, but next time try not to get dirty. Now run along upstairs and change your clothes. I’ve got big news for you tonight.”
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Post by grumpypirate on Jun 27, 2007 23:49:25 GMT -5
and since I'm in a good mood, here's a bit more! That should hold you girls for a bit!!
By the time dinner rolled around, Brook had been cleaned and inspected to Abigail’s satisfaction. When Brook arrived at the table, an older gentleman was seated there, whom Abigail introduced as Mr. Berk. After the table had been cleared and Abigail and Mr. Berk were enjoying a nice glass of wine did Abigail begin to tell Brook about her surprise. “Since you will be staying with me and I want you to be a proper young lady, Mr. Berk has agreed to take you on in his school for young ladies.” Brooks jaw hit the floor before she took off running with Abigail calling back to her.
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Cheza
18 and over
Lady of the Silver Rose
"Seeking peace amidst the chaos of life..."
Posts: 9,039
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Post by Cheza on Jun 28, 2007 0:00:14 GMT -5
*EEEKS* Auntie weirdo's going to send our girl to Charm School. Let's hope she's not in with those Flavor of Love girls.
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Post by jillywilly65 on Jun 28, 2007 0:15:35 GMT -5
;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
You goof ball CHeza, that was freaking hilarious
;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ; Mo'nique help us! She is funny too, what a trip.
GP More more more !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Jilly
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Post by grumpypirate on Jun 28, 2007 0:46:05 GMT -5
;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D you two are halarious!! hee hee, guess you'll have to wait and see what happend with Auntie Werdio! ;D ;D ;D
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Post by grumpypirate on Jul 10, 2007 0:01:57 GMT -5
Sorry for the wait everyone. I'm not at my computer at the moment. I'll have to write more when I get more, which will probably be next week.
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Post by Ceeje on Jul 10, 2007 18:11:29 GMT -5
I'm really impressed, GP! You have a very distinct narrator's voice. I hope you're keeping all your writing in a binder or notebook somewhere (or a computer disc since we're in the computer age!). Who knows what these little short fics on the .org could turn into! Didn't JKR start writing Harry Potter on the bus or something? Anyway...waiting for more.  |
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Post by grumpypirate on Jul 11, 2007 23:55:23 GMT -5
Thank you Ceeje!
I actually write everything out on paper first and then I type it and save it to my computer. You should see the binder I have all my Marty stories in. The poor thing is packed!! This is actually the only story I haven't written down on paper. I'll probably print it up one day and continue it on there, that way I can work on it during school. For english we're suppose to write every day, or something like that, so it it's a free write day, I may just have to write my stories!
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Post by grumpypirate on Aug 4, 2007 13:53:18 GMT -5
I'm super sorry for the long wait to anyone who has been reading this. Here is the next part. I hope it isn't too bad.
Brook ran to her bedroom and launched herself onto her bed, tears of hate streaming down her face. Why did this have to happen to her? She thought miserably as she cuddled her pillow. Several minutes later, her aunt stormed into her bedroom. "What is the meaning of this young lady?" Her aunt yelled at her, or at least yelled as much as a lady could yell. "I don't want to go." Brook sniffled. "Don't want to go?" Abigail said, "Why any young lady should want to go! This is one of the finest schools." "But I don't want to be a young lady." Brook began, but Abigail cut her off. "You're going and that's the end to it! I promised your mother that if anything happened to her, I'd watch out for you, and that is just what I'm going to do!" Abigail walked out of the room while Brook was once more consumed to tears.
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bostongirl
Welcoming Committee Member
Hope - the only cure all
Posts: 1,511
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Post by bostongirl on Aug 5, 2007 20:02:31 GMT -5
GP - thanks for the next installment. You are an excellent writer. Look forward to more!!! Very interesting. Poor Brook.
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Post by jillywilly65 on Aug 16, 2007 22:22:14 GMT -5
Please Miss I want some more!
Aw man, schools going to make you put it off till next summer??? say it isn't so?
Jilly
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Post by grumpypirate on Aug 16, 2007 22:30:00 GMT -5
Hee hee, well during band today, I wrote a good amount so now I'll I have to do is type it up. Don't worry, I promise I'll work on it during school as much as I can! I don't think I could put it off till next summer, it would bug me too much!!! Hee hee.
Thanks for the reviews Jill and Boston! It means so much to me!
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Post by grumpypirate on Aug 17, 2007 17:44:12 GMT -5
Several days later, Brook was in a fancy car heading towards her new home. Along the way, Rook refused to speak to her aunt. The past days meals were quiet, and Brook avoided all contact with her aunt, instead she took time drawing in her room. She was careful enough to hide all evidence of her talent, in fear that her aunt would confiscate her drawing tools. "Now Brook darling," Abigail said in the most motherly tone she could muster, "I'm sure once you get there, you'll find the school to be quite lovely. It is after all the school both your mother and myself went to." Instead of responding, Brook continued to star out at the passing trees. Soon, the tree line receded and building after building began to pop up. After another half hour had passed, the car pulled to a gigantic building with a statue of a young lady at the front. The lawn bore may rose bushes and a fountain followed by a gazebo towards the back. Brook was hardly able to hide her astonishment when she glanced at the site that lay before her.
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