Post by keysunset on Feb 20, 2010 20:28:54 GMT -5
The Boring Postcard Committee Presents:
The 2009 Most Boring Postcards Awards
What a bumper year 2009 turned out to be for boring postcards! Every new card that appeared in our mailbox seemed to set the bar higher (or lower, I suppose in this case) for the most boring postcard. Sifting through the entries and trying to come up with the best has proved to be a mighty task. But the Boring Postcard Committee (hereafter referred to as “the Committee”) has finally come to its decisions.
First, at the risk of encouraging future such submissions, the Committee must recognize a series of postcards that deserved its very own category. The Committee entitles it the “Incredibly What?!” of 2009 category. The front of these cards showed black/white/grey photos of drawings, models, and words depicting “intervention” in our interstate system’s “large rights-of-way.” Redeveloping “the rest stop into an intermodal hub,” they said.
A college education is necessary to understand the wording that takes up a chunk of the front of the first card. Yes, the front, because on the back, where you SHOULD be able to write that special note to a loved one telling them to send you gas money so you can get home, it’s all taken up with yet more wording. Here you also find out that the card is part of the Friends of the Future Rethinking Freeway/Rail/Restop Along I_95 An Exhibition. Just getting this far into the card the Committee was thinking, "Aren’t we all friends of the future?" Moving on, the Committee stopped (ha, ha) at “restop.” “Restop”? Should that be “rest stop”? Or is that a clever play on the rethinking of a rest stop going on here. Ahhhhhh, very subtle. The Committee approves of that one. Moving beyond all the verbiage coming straight from hallowed halls of higher learning, the Committee also learned that these cards will be available at rest stops (not restops yet!) and welcome centers along I-95 throughout 2009. Sorry, since you are reading this in 2010, you have missed the opportunity to own this important and informational set of cards. Not to fear, the Committee will explain more to you.
Because this is a series of cards, there were four more cards in this particular subset of the series. This subset was apparently called “Bridging Parallel Infrastructures.” See, not even the Committee got the entire series! But, just in case someone only received one card from the series, every post card back thoughtfully included all the information that was on the back of the first card. Extremely thoughtful indeed, as it made the sender resort to writing the personal message around the title of the card and in between lines. Reading each card was certainly as exciting as actually receiving the card, and sometimes as confusing. Here’s an example of what the Committee gathered from deciphering the back of the third card [Warning: some text deemed too personal or sleep inducing has been deleted.]:
… in Rhode Island we stopped Friends of the Future Rethinking Freeway/Rail/Restop Along I_95 at the welcome center and found these, an exhibition. But we also found a local fellow, Dept. of Architecture, Bayard Ewing Building Gallery … Who recommended a great place …The Middle of Nowhere Diner Along Interstate-95 for what could be a key component of a new national system of Interstate and Defense Highways. It wasn’t much to look at, but … this exhibition evolved out of an advanced design studio … food was great …
The front of this particular card involved a model of what appeared to be Peruvian Nazca lines, but reading the small print was still “bridging parallel infrastructures”. Hmmmm, maybe that’s what those ancient civilizations were doing.
Finally receiving the fifth, and last, card of this series, the Committee was only slightly more informed and just as bored as it was receiving the first card.
At least the last card used a little color in amongst all the black/white/gray to get our attention, but it was too late. Even the sender subconsciously put the best postscript to this whole affair when the meshed writing near the bottom on the back of the card was deciphered as follows: “ … Post cards will also be available … throughout 2009. been there.”
Been there, indeed. To the sender of this incredibly mind numbing series of cards, the Committee has managed to pick our heads up off the table and wipe the drool from our mouths long enough to award you a set of black/white/gray Legos so that you can model your own restop highway interventions as you travel the roads in 2010. Congratulations!
Now that the Committee has sentenced the serial post card sender to Lego hard labor, we will move on to the other worthy entries. And indeed, there were several postcards of varying degrees of turning the Committee into drooling, pleading, rolling-eyed zombies staggering through their days in search of relief. The Honorable Mentions are:
Kansas Funnel Facts – Even though every time the Committee read that card we thought of state fair food, the photo of a whirling, damage inducing tornado taking up ¾ of the real estate on the front of the card reminds us that this is serious business! In fact, even though the card says “Tornados are most common in April, May and June …” it also reminds us that “Tornados can occur in other months as well.” We are never safe! Thank goodness the back of the card, which leaves the sender plenty of room to write to relatives to let them know they have survived a Kansas Funnel, gives you even more facts to keep you safe. Examples include “Put as many walls as you can between you and the tornado” and “interior bathrooms and closets are good.” We think it would behoove each of us to have a few extra walls, perhaps stored in an interior closet, just in case of a tornado. And remember, never run out to the exterior bathroom when you see that funnel cloud a-comin’!
Three men in suits – When you can’t watch the talking heads (and no, we don’t mean the band) on TV, there are the silent, dark suited men with retro haircuts and glasses on a postcard! Delivered right to your mailbox! It says “Published by Audio-Visual Department” on the back, but except for a “whuppa, whuppa, whuppa” kind of sound the card makes when the Committee flaps it back and forth, we think this is more a visual effort. O … K … we can move along now.
Bronson Park, Kalamazoo, MI – Apparently Bronson Park is big into artsy effects. The card depicts what appears to be a grim faced Greek god holding a spear and hiding behind a chess piece. But rather than let the Committee face the deity clear headed, we are instead focusing on the sleep inducing pink flowers in the foreground. Danger? What danger? Even the postcard itself is overcome by the narcotic as it seems to feel it necessary to proclaim on the back “communication here.” As the sender noted, “Thanks – I didn’t know how postcards worked.” Some days, neither does the Committee …
Wood bench – Even though this wood bench is lovely, sunny, and inviting, the Committee doesn't have one so what’s the point? In addition, this card also feels the need to take up most of the “communication here” area with its own verbiage in amongst which the sender had to try to insert their own message. The Committee thinks the description of the card should be “… the search for boring furniture is salvaged from large old still life with bench and hose oak …thank you for your support.”
To all whose cards won Honorable Mention, you have the Committee's utmost sympathy. We award you the beverage of your choice to cry into while you bemoan the fact that your entry is not one of the …
TOP THREE BORING POSTCARDS OF 2009
In reverse order the Boring Postcard Committee proudly presents the top three boring postcards of 2009:
3) Mark Rothko (1903-1970), Untitled, 1969 – This is a postcard of a painting, completed apparently just before the death of the artist and before he had a chance to figure out what exactly it was he had painted and give it an amusing, clever, or intelligent title. The card’s peach/rust color with blue accents reminded the Committee of a well loved blankie. Blankie, indeed, so blank of adornment it eluded further descriptions and instead invited us to empty our minds and slide into the blessed sleep of total, relaxed boredom. To the sender of this card we award our case of unused Sominex and a well loved blankie so they can have their own, well-deserved after the hard work of finding this card, sleep.
2) Death Valley National Monument, California. The race track. – This card says “race track”, but the front begs the question of who is racing? The Committee can only suppose that it is the animated rocks, one of which has obviously used its energy judiciously. As it skids to a stop in the foreground of the card, we see that it has left the rest of the racers well behind. The remainder of the rock pack, jockeying for the positions left in the race are so far in the background, that our eyes start to look at the other details, or lack thereof, in the photo. This is a race track, right? Where are the spectators, the trailers and picnickers, the pit crews?! Well, obviously this is a different type of race! As we pooh-pooh the idea of “rock racing” we notice the winning rock, as well as the others in the distance, eyeing us maliciously. Oh, oh, call us a taxi, we’re outta here! To the sender of this card, we award a BPA free water bottle, with water included, and a rock tumbler. Have at it!
Last, but not least, the number ONE boring postcard of 2009!
1) We Are Here – At the top of the front of this card, the wording proclaims “We Are Here,” then satellite imagery of the world. But just before the Committee thought this was a “we are all one big world family” kind of card, we noticed that underneath Greenland, flying up out of the Atlantic ocean is a giant white arrow arcing its way toward the northern United States and stabbing itself into the ground, apparently narrowly missing the sender of the card. Below the satellite imagery, it says Maine. Apparently there is nothing about Maine that distinguishes it from the rest of the world except its location. Oh, and maybe the abundance of giant lobster and giant moose (as indicated by the photos of said objects dominating Antarctica at the bottom of the front of the card). Although that could mean giant lobster and giant moose live in Antarctica. The Committee is confused. Does the card itself shed any light on the thought process? So we checked the back and the card simply says “satellite view of the world, with Maine shown in perspective.” Wow. Or maybe just, wow. To the sender of this card, we award virtual Segways so you can continue to narrowly avoid being hit by arrows from the sea, and a stick of butter … in case you come across one of the giant lobsters.
To all who submitted cards, whether you are mentioned here or not, you are all winners in the Committee's eyes. Thank you for playing and the Committee looks forward to what 2010 will deliver to our mailbox!
The 2009 Most Boring Postcards Awards
What a bumper year 2009 turned out to be for boring postcards! Every new card that appeared in our mailbox seemed to set the bar higher (or lower, I suppose in this case) for the most boring postcard. Sifting through the entries and trying to come up with the best has proved to be a mighty task. But the Boring Postcard Committee (hereafter referred to as “the Committee”) has finally come to its decisions.
First, at the risk of encouraging future such submissions, the Committee must recognize a series of postcards that deserved its very own category. The Committee entitles it the “Incredibly What?!” of 2009 category. The front of these cards showed black/white/grey photos of drawings, models, and words depicting “intervention” in our interstate system’s “large rights-of-way.” Redeveloping “the rest stop into an intermodal hub,” they said.
A college education is necessary to understand the wording that takes up a chunk of the front of the first card. Yes, the front, because on the back, where you SHOULD be able to write that special note to a loved one telling them to send you gas money so you can get home, it’s all taken up with yet more wording. Here you also find out that the card is part of the Friends of the Future Rethinking Freeway/Rail/Restop Along I_95 An Exhibition. Just getting this far into the card the Committee was thinking, "Aren’t we all friends of the future?" Moving on, the Committee stopped (ha, ha) at “restop.” “Restop”? Should that be “rest stop”? Or is that a clever play on the rethinking of a rest stop going on here. Ahhhhhh, very subtle. The Committee approves of that one. Moving beyond all the verbiage coming straight from hallowed halls of higher learning, the Committee also learned that these cards will be available at rest stops (not restops yet!) and welcome centers along I-95 throughout 2009. Sorry, since you are reading this in 2010, you have missed the opportunity to own this important and informational set of cards. Not to fear, the Committee will explain more to you.
Because this is a series of cards, there were four more cards in this particular subset of the series. This subset was apparently called “Bridging Parallel Infrastructures.” See, not even the Committee got the entire series! But, just in case someone only received one card from the series, every post card back thoughtfully included all the information that was on the back of the first card. Extremely thoughtful indeed, as it made the sender resort to writing the personal message around the title of the card and in between lines. Reading each card was certainly as exciting as actually receiving the card, and sometimes as confusing. Here’s an example of what the Committee gathered from deciphering the back of the third card [Warning: some text deemed too personal or sleep inducing has been deleted.]:
… in Rhode Island we stopped Friends of the Future Rethinking Freeway/Rail/Restop Along I_95 at the welcome center and found these, an exhibition. But we also found a local fellow, Dept. of Architecture, Bayard Ewing Building Gallery … Who recommended a great place …The Middle of Nowhere Diner Along Interstate-95 for what could be a key component of a new national system of Interstate and Defense Highways. It wasn’t much to look at, but … this exhibition evolved out of an advanced design studio … food was great …
The front of this particular card involved a model of what appeared to be Peruvian Nazca lines, but reading the small print was still “bridging parallel infrastructures”. Hmmmm, maybe that’s what those ancient civilizations were doing.
Finally receiving the fifth, and last, card of this series, the Committee was only slightly more informed and just as bored as it was receiving the first card.
At least the last card used a little color in amongst all the black/white/gray to get our attention, but it was too late. Even the sender subconsciously put the best postscript to this whole affair when the meshed writing near the bottom on the back of the card was deciphered as follows: “ … Post cards will also be available … throughout 2009. been there.”
Been there, indeed. To the sender of this incredibly mind numbing series of cards, the Committee has managed to pick our heads up off the table and wipe the drool from our mouths long enough to award you a set of black/white/gray Legos so that you can model your own restop highway interventions as you travel the roads in 2010. Congratulations!
Now that the Committee has sentenced the serial post card sender to Lego hard labor, we will move on to the other worthy entries. And indeed, there were several postcards of varying degrees of turning the Committee into drooling, pleading, rolling-eyed zombies staggering through their days in search of relief. The Honorable Mentions are:
Kansas Funnel Facts – Even though every time the Committee read that card we thought of state fair food, the photo of a whirling, damage inducing tornado taking up ¾ of the real estate on the front of the card reminds us that this is serious business! In fact, even though the card says “Tornados are most common in April, May and June …” it also reminds us that “Tornados can occur in other months as well.” We are never safe! Thank goodness the back of the card, which leaves the sender plenty of room to write to relatives to let them know they have survived a Kansas Funnel, gives you even more facts to keep you safe. Examples include “Put as many walls as you can between you and the tornado” and “interior bathrooms and closets are good.” We think it would behoove each of us to have a few extra walls, perhaps stored in an interior closet, just in case of a tornado. And remember, never run out to the exterior bathroom when you see that funnel cloud a-comin’!
Three men in suits – When you can’t watch the talking heads (and no, we don’t mean the band) on TV, there are the silent, dark suited men with retro haircuts and glasses on a postcard! Delivered right to your mailbox! It says “Published by Audio-Visual Department” on the back, but except for a “whuppa, whuppa, whuppa” kind of sound the card makes when the Committee flaps it back and forth, we think this is more a visual effort. O … K … we can move along now.
Bronson Park, Kalamazoo, MI – Apparently Bronson Park is big into artsy effects. The card depicts what appears to be a grim faced Greek god holding a spear and hiding behind a chess piece. But rather than let the Committee face the deity clear headed, we are instead focusing on the sleep inducing pink flowers in the foreground. Danger? What danger? Even the postcard itself is overcome by the narcotic as it seems to feel it necessary to proclaim on the back “communication here.” As the sender noted, “Thanks – I didn’t know how postcards worked.” Some days, neither does the Committee …
Wood bench – Even though this wood bench is lovely, sunny, and inviting, the Committee doesn't have one so what’s the point? In addition, this card also feels the need to take up most of the “communication here” area with its own verbiage in amongst which the sender had to try to insert their own message. The Committee thinks the description of the card should be “… the search for boring furniture is salvaged from large old still life with bench and hose oak …thank you for your support.”
To all whose cards won Honorable Mention, you have the Committee's utmost sympathy. We award you the beverage of your choice to cry into while you bemoan the fact that your entry is not one of the …
TOP THREE BORING POSTCARDS OF 2009
In reverse order the Boring Postcard Committee proudly presents the top three boring postcards of 2009:
3) Mark Rothko (1903-1970), Untitled, 1969 – This is a postcard of a painting, completed apparently just before the death of the artist and before he had a chance to figure out what exactly it was he had painted and give it an amusing, clever, or intelligent title. The card’s peach/rust color with blue accents reminded the Committee of a well loved blankie. Blankie, indeed, so blank of adornment it eluded further descriptions and instead invited us to empty our minds and slide into the blessed sleep of total, relaxed boredom. To the sender of this card we award our case of unused Sominex and a well loved blankie so they can have their own, well-deserved after the hard work of finding this card, sleep.
2) Death Valley National Monument, California. The race track. – This card says “race track”, but the front begs the question of who is racing? The Committee can only suppose that it is the animated rocks, one of which has obviously used its energy judiciously. As it skids to a stop in the foreground of the card, we see that it has left the rest of the racers well behind. The remainder of the rock pack, jockeying for the positions left in the race are so far in the background, that our eyes start to look at the other details, or lack thereof, in the photo. This is a race track, right? Where are the spectators, the trailers and picnickers, the pit crews?! Well, obviously this is a different type of race! As we pooh-pooh the idea of “rock racing” we notice the winning rock, as well as the others in the distance, eyeing us maliciously. Oh, oh, call us a taxi, we’re outta here! To the sender of this card, we award a BPA free water bottle, with water included, and a rock tumbler. Have at it!
Last, but not least, the number ONE boring postcard of 2009!
1) We Are Here – At the top of the front of this card, the wording proclaims “We Are Here,” then satellite imagery of the world. But just before the Committee thought this was a “we are all one big world family” kind of card, we noticed that underneath Greenland, flying up out of the Atlantic ocean is a giant white arrow arcing its way toward the northern United States and stabbing itself into the ground, apparently narrowly missing the sender of the card. Below the satellite imagery, it says Maine. Apparently there is nothing about Maine that distinguishes it from the rest of the world except its location. Oh, and maybe the abundance of giant lobster and giant moose (as indicated by the photos of said objects dominating Antarctica at the bottom of the front of the card). Although that could mean giant lobster and giant moose live in Antarctica. The Committee is confused. Does the card itself shed any light on the thought process? So we checked the back and the card simply says “satellite view of the world, with Maine shown in perspective.” Wow. Or maybe just, wow. To the sender of this card, we award virtual Segways so you can continue to narrowly avoid being hit by arrows from the sea, and a stick of butter … in case you come across one of the giant lobsters.
To all who submitted cards, whether you are mentioned here or not, you are all winners in the Committee's eyes. Thank you for playing and the Committee looks forward to what 2010 will deliver to our mailbox!
